playgroup progress

Playgroup is going better then i imagined. I can't believe we're having two meetings in a week. I am a bit worried about how to look after it from here on. It seems like a plant that could be really well maintained or go to seed or die. I guess I'm guilty of the same things that worry me within the group - a need for too much outcome assurance. For example, we spend far too long worrying about whether or not a technique will be useful, rather than just trying it out. I'm getting a much greater understanding of what it must've been like for Soumitri, trying to get people to trust him and just do things. There isn't an end-point to these exercises. If there were, there wouldn't be much point doing them. We're not looking for answers to a particular problem, we're looking for ways to think about things. I don't have a goal of reaching a concept for the Hermes window that we all agree on. The playgroup is supposed to be about ways of thinking, and it seems like it's turning into a project group instead, and I'm not sure where to step to from here. I feel it's too early to be discussing making money out of it by doing outreach. We're not "robust" yet. And anyway, the point was to create a space for people to do this stuff without an agenda. Now it seems like it's purely agenda-driven. I say that it isn't mine, and that all the people in it have as much say over what happens or what they want next, but i really am uncertain about the direction it's going in. I don't want it to become a consultancy, and having projects proposed by people who haven't even been to playgroup really makes me feel like we're chasing the wrong goals. I really don't know what to do about it. I am moving away from controlling my environment, and am doing really well at home, finding creative ways to respond to noisy neighbours and stuff. I'm so uncomfortable, it has to be good. Actually it is good, it feels like I'm getting a different perspective on relating to the world I'm living in. It's tempting to fall back on the punishment/reward model that i know so well, but knowing that's not so effective in the long-term drives me to seek other approaches. Hmmm.