evil milk

oooh no pretty pictures today. just turned down a job back in a pub kitchen, i realised that committing to 2 days a week was not the best way to stick to my plan of finishing projects and being focussed and all that. Plus the more money i earn the more i lose from Austudy, so that's just being dumb. Spent a lovely couple of hours in the local library reading about health and how dangerous the chemicals in my home are and why milk is a conspiracy by the Dairy Farmers Union and if we were meant to drink milk then women would have udders (it's always the poor bloody women). I could spend my whole life freaking out about all the dangers to my life, and still never get the perfect combination of things to avoid at all deadly cost in order to live longer. I'm not saying all this stuff is wrong, but it's definitely harder to remember that even a magazine apparently published for your well-being, with your best interests at heart, will publish articles which are one-sided. I mean, you expect it from Time. I have taken to heart the article on choosing how much media input you let into your life. It's true that i get really upset watching people dying in massive natural disasters or wars - how much can i really do to save those people? (I can hear the derision thundering towards me even now)
After spending time listening to my parents and grandparents talikng about decisions they made in their lives, I 've realised how irresponsible and carefree my life is. They decided what jobs they would do based on their skills and resources, with the ultimate goal of earning the greatest amount of money combined with job security and the opportunity to emigrate to Australia. For my Dad it was a simple decision between medicine and engineering. My grandpa had even less choice. He took work wherever it was, and always aimed for something which would give him greater opportunities, but his first job was hauling flat car batteries through the streets to his bosses' generator, charging them up and then dragging them back to the shop the next morning. He was an electrician, then joined the AirForce during WWII and was an electrician there too before becoming a pilot (flying Tiger Moths!!). He's run petrol stations and been an insurance salesman. My gran was a nurse and a cook and a cleaner and probably other things too.
My point is that they had very clear goals, especially my parents. They wanted a good life, with opportunity to improve their lives through hard work and good investment. That was possible in Australia in the seventies. They chose their country, whereabouts in it they wanted to live, what jobs they would do, etc. ANd here i am just dawdling along, spending all my money, saving nothing from one pay to the next, doing another degree, not too sure where it's going to get me, not married, no investments, no real goals...is this what they wanted for me? Maybe, and i feel very lucky, but i also don't want to waste it. I feel i should build on the headstart they gave me, work out where the next employment boom will be and take advantage of it, not just refuse to do it because i don't like it... i feel like a fool, a girl who still hasn't grown up and she's nearly 30. I know lots of things and i know i'm not such a kid, i've learnt some hard funny wisdoms - and one is that each year I look back and think "wow, i knew so little. Did i really think that was right??" Now i want to use it, learn from it, build from it not let it slow me down with uncertainty.